good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
