She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
