neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
