Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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