erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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