I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
