no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
