Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
