if you like me you must not know who I am
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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