this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
