this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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