ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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