i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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