I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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