Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
