??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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