walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize