i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
