1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
