I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
