just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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