I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
