Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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