oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she peed on how many people?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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