I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize