"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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