I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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