Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
