Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
