I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
