The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
