you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
