those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
