This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
