I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
