Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
