she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
