I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize