I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
