I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
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we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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