I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
