sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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