I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
