Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
