Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
