I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
