im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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