Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
