I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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