New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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