I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
