i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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