i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
