A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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