I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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