ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
