yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
