He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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