I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
