youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
