Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
