when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
